Hanging-out with not so welcomed guests

Sometimes this blog feels therapeutic, sometimes it makes me feel like I am being self-centered, me me me. My hope is that it doesn’t come off as self-centered and instead is a break from your own day to day stuff. I know when I go to other blogs I love checking-in, seeing what is new or even reading the same old day in/day out stuff and I love that these bloggers are putting themselves out there….sharing their worlds and the word “selfless” comes to my mind.

Is it just me that has this weird hang-up? The I can’t talk to much about myself or share too much, without thinking that others think, I think, I’m all that and a bag of chips syndrome. I’ll be honest, for me, it is strange forty years later to suddenly start writing about what is going on in my world almost everyday, share it and not always know who is reading. I do get a sense of freedom from having this blog, I can express myself more freely than I think I otherwise would, the somewhat anonymity of it all seems to make this possible for me.

I’m wishing I was a more confident blogger I guess…..wishing I felt like I knew what I was doing and didn’t need any feedback reassuring me to keep on sharing….wish I had the confidence to hear that from myself loudly but instead it is still at the under my breath stage….more than half of my posts I have doubts about. If you were a fly on the wall in this computer room you would witness me writing…..deleting…..writing…..deleting…..coming back two hours later to re-edit my post, you get the picture.

I’m drawn to the bloggers who put photos of themselves on their blogs, I like seeing the face behind the voice, they seem to really own their blogs but it is difficult for me to do that myself. Insecurities again, boy they like to rear their ugly heads around here a lot. Well here I am the woman who feels like she is still trying to convince herself that it is okay for her to have a blog.

Here is only half of my face, it is early morning and I am sporting a gray sweatshirt and some grandma red lipstick. But what about you? Do you have any insecurities bumping into you as you wander around? Are they as big and cumbersome as mine? Unwelcome guests. This little blog is helping me take on those pesky insecurities that have obliviously gotten use to hanging-out with me, blog therapy again if you will, need to break out of your shell start a blog. Half a face is a start, means I am half way there right? Maybe next week it will be 3/4’s of my face and then again maybe not.