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Originally uploaded by kt40

Jasmine and Andrea, Andrea and Jasmine. At the carnival in the busiest, nosiest place with no intention of going on the ride in front of them, they stopped and whispered to each other . When you are with your best-friend you usually do only hear their voice, background noises fade out and what is happening around you isn’t as important as what they have to say is. When Jasmine told Andrea that we were moving, Andrea got off the phone and went and begged her sister for a necklace. Andrea already owned the same exact necklace. Her sister finally said “Okay! but it will cost you”.  Andrea paid her sister for the necklace and the next morning at school gave it to Jasmine. Right there in class they made a pledge to each other that they would always have the necklaces clasped around their necks. Jasmine showed it to me when she came home she held it up with her fingers “See Mom, it is a heart inside a heart, isn’t it beautiful!”
“A heart within a heart…..yes that is beautiful.”

This car is parked near the beginning of the path where I walk our dog, Cubana. One day when I had the kids with me Iris stopped and said “I wish you could buy that car Mom and fix it up.”
“Oh yes Mom, you could make it so nice!” added Jasmine.

I was thinking “Are they serious? Are they talking about this car and suggesting that I would be able to fix it up.” Then Wyatt said “Jasmine and Iris….” and I thought okay, here comes the voice of reason. He continued “Of course Mom could fix that up but why would she, we already have two cars.”
Some people say that children are a gift, I am one of those. I have three young human beings who I take care of, they are my children and most of the time I think that I’m the one who is raising them. How do they see what I could be capable of, more than I do? When I looked at the car I wanted to laugh out loud sarcastically and add a “Yeah right!” equally sarcastic but when I looked at their expressions they were all so dead serious which made me have a change of heart, yeah, I thought, I supposed it is theoretically possible that if I dedicated the next ten years of my life to that car, I could fix it up.

“Your brother is right, we already have two cars.” I said outloud.

  This is the lunch I made for the kids today, the second lunch that is. The first was tuna fish sandwiches then I tasted it ,thankfully, before I put it on the bread, the mayo was bad, umm…yum… So then I decided, grilled cheese and left it on the stove and went into the computer room and obviously got sidetracked. Jasmine yelled out “Mom what is with all the smoke?!”
“Oh, $#@*!” I yelled out as I ran to the kitchen.
“I guess we need to go to plan C, scrambled eggs.” I said, trying to sound on top of things, as I stood there, still in my robe and pajamas. I didn’t leave the kitchen this time, I diligently watch over them, cooked them to perfection, then called out “Lunch, come and get it!” and then went and collapsed on the couch………. okay, maybe I didn’t really go and collapse on the couch it just seemed like the right ending.

Originally uploaded by kt40

I read this menu and understood everything!

“Hello in there.” I said “Hello in there! Yeah you, the part of myself who tells me that I can’t learn Italian.” The same one who gasped when I put on sweatpants and a sweatshirt this morning and said “What are you doing? You are going to stick out like a sore thumb, Italians don’t wear baggy sweat outfits!”

“Well I’m wearing them today and if you can’t get on board then I suggest you go else where today………well maybe I’ll put on some jeans instead and a little lipstick won’t hurt…….. but that is all you are getting today, capito!!”

Sometimes I have to “rough-up” this side of myself when I feel like it has been getting the better of me. I can see my five-foot-two self holding it up against a wall in an alley saying “Do we understand each other?!” while it meekly nods. Then letting it drop into a heap and coolly strolling away in one of my middle-age, baggy sweat outfits.

Oh…. this month…..it has been long…. not in a bad way, just long and this has made me welcome many cappuccinos.

On to something else…… Yesterday, I had to drive to a nearby town to get our car fixed. On the way home there was a huge full moon above the mountain ranges, it was breathtaking. When I see a full moon I can’t help but trace it’s perimeter with my eye all the way around to make sure it is really, really full, this one passed the test, again and again.

The Italians here, light up the cliff sides at night. If you are driving along the mountain ranges there are parts where the mountain has been used for stone. All that has been left is an exposed jagged, rocky side, that, if you can imagine, is dramatically lit up. So at night it is, again, breathtaking. I love to drive when it is just getting dark, along these mountain ranges, that stand a ways behind our town, listening to music, winding along.

Well my friend suz told me about one of kelly rae roberts posts where she took on the “The Mondo Beyondo Ritual‘, and said “Hey, you want to do this?”"Yes.” I responded.

Let me start out saying this is the kind-of thing you also could do in a journal or on a piece of paper or simply in your head if you wanted too. It is just about taking a moment out for yourself really

Part two (Part one is down below this post)

1. Write down your intentions for 2008(things you would like more of in your life what you would like to attract)

Mainly just to be open to what comes my way, since we will be moving this year, “Where to?” we won’t know for quite some time, so just be open to where the new location will be.

More time in a garden… I would love to garden this year and include my kids in this activity.

More time with just Jason, movies, dinner or sitting at a cafe…making time for just us. This always makes us a better couple and parents.

2. The Mondo Beyondo list(the things you are wanting to manifest that are almost scary to write down. The ones that elicit a gremlin response of “You can’t do that!” or “Who are you to ask for that?” or “Fat chance, that will never happen.”)

Okay here it goes……
To have a art show of large abstract paintings, even though I don’t paint.
To live in a house were we can paint the walls and doors with colors or even murals.
To come up with several vintage inspired blouses.
To have a cutting garden….. a really big cutting garden.
To have woods nearby to walk into to with a little creek that winds through

Originally uploaded by kt40

Originally uploaded by kt40

Originally uploaded by kt40

written a couple of days ago
Jason came downstairs when I was reading and told me that his work will be sending him elsewhere to work. My reaction was this ridiculously huge grin I think it actually did reach ear to ear, “So your happy then?” he said but I couldn’t answer him because I think the outside of my body was trying to balance out how the inside of my body felt…… unbearably sad. I know, it sounds strange to me too, the “I’m ready to embrace whatever” lady, well…. she ran out the back door when the actual news hit.

Written last night
We told our kids that we are going to be moving. Wyatt was quiet then said “Okay, if that is how it goes, I hope I can bring George(his guinea pig) though”. Jasmine cried and Iris said “I’m happy” then she cried too. We ended up watching the ‘Amazing Race’( a reality show that is about teams that race around the world). The teams as it ended up, were in Italy and had to drive from Rome to Florence, strange coincidence, and Wyatt said “If I was in this race I would do very well”. I replied “You would probably win this round” right then on the show the teams were on the Autostrade (the Italian highway system) and they had to choose which way to go, it showed two signs one that said ‘Pisa exit’ the other ‘Livorno exit’ and one of the contestants said “I don’t which way to go”. Wyatt said “Yes, I would win for sure”.

Written this morning
The “I’m ready to embrace whatever” lady showed up sometime last night when I was sleeping. I didn’t scold her for leaving because I always knew she would come back, this seems to be her pattern.
The kids talked about moving this morning and surprised me in how calm they were. Excited at points and regretful that they wouldn’t be able to pack their friends. I feel so thankful to have them in my life and Jason, who has been so tired the last few days, I’d move anywhere with him.

There is this eighty or so year old man and his little dog that I see everyday on the bike path at about 8:20am. The first time we met went like this…. my dog Cubana had broken off the leash when she saw his dog off in the distance and when she did this I slipped and tumbled down the side of the bike path (it is a levy). When I finally managed to climb back up I had grass in my hair, mud on my face and I thought I yelled over to him “Mi dispiace!”(I’m sorry) over and over again. I relayed this story to Jason when I got home and he said “That isn’t how you say “Sorry” in Italian” I was pronouncing something that I had made-up instead, we looked it up in the dictionary and it translated closely to “Disburse! Disburse!” no wonder he had shaken his head and walked the other way. Well I think he secretly(this old man) likes to run into me and Cubana, he chats away, I listen nodding, while comprehending absolutely nothing, then we go our separate ways. The other day I practiced saying “How old is your dog?” and when I ran into him that morning I said “I need to know your dog’s age.” and could have kicked myself “you don’t need to know his dog’s age.” I chided myself(in my head of course) and he seemed to be blushing. Wait did I forgot to add the word “dog” did I just say “I need to know your age.” so then I said “Arriverderci!” which means “Goodbye!” extra cheerfully and turned and walked away. “Okay that was weird, why didn’t you wait for his reply and why did you just say “goodbye” like that?” I asked myself. Then I replayed the conversation(if you want to call it that) in my mind… Ugh! I think I said “I need to know my age.” Even with me being a complete “Nut case” I know he will be there tomorrow to give me another chance because as I said, he secretly likes to run into me or is it the other way around?

Originally uploaded by kt40

I stopped and took this photo, “Red, white and blue.”, that was the first thought that ran through my mind. Second thought, “This looks out of place here.”, most of the cafes around here are filled with wooden chairs, small tables, and a few regular customers. This was filled with plastic and big bright lights, “My country.” I thought.

Anytime I see this color combination, “My country” runs through my mind, softly. Does everyone have a permanent place in their mind or heart for their country’s flag colors? I never knew that I did until I moved overseas. I can trace the outline of my country with my eyes closed. I have pretend to see it in the palm of my hand and then pressed it to my skin above my heart and imagined that it had soaked through my skin into my heart and that is where it stays for now.

My country, I have verbally defended it many times since I have been overseas and people are perplexed because I talk about it with love but I don’t choose to live there and quite honestly think I never will again. That is the beauty of my country because I know it understands this and it would never ask me to explain myself.

When I ended up putting this photo onto the computer I saw that my reflection had been captured in the red column, that seemed fitting to me, I am a part of these colors, and I know I sound overly sentimental but I won’t apologize for this. I have never written a letter expressing my feelings to the land I was born on and I just wanted to let it know that I accept it with it faults because it also has it’s moments of brilliance, and well I just wanted it to know that, even though it will never read this letter.